[Archive]: Oh, Kindle, how do I hate you? Let me count the ways…

Oh, Kindle, how do I hate you? Let me count* the ways…

Kindles. iBooks. Electro-readers (I know they’re called e-readers, but humour me here, the term electro-readers goes with the general awry-with-technology grumpy grumblings of this post). They all have one thing, and one thing only in common as far as I’m concerned: ugh.

Can you guess that I don’t have/want/need/aspire to having one?

Just, ugh.

I know they’re (sort of) eco-friendly [insomuch as something which is, in all possibility, manufactured by an impoverished sweatshop worker, thousands of miles away, then shipped here, clocking up mile after mile of carbon footprint, and, just generally being immoral and all, can be]. But, hey, if it saves a tree… I know less forests are felled due to electro-readers. I’m aware that it opens up a world of literature, at gobsmack-me rock bottom, bargain-licious prices.

I realise that it’s an awesome way for an unestablished writer to gain some foothold in the literary jungle that is the wild world of publishing. And, I’m not so un-hip that I don’t understand that they’re new (well, newer than books, older than… mystery, yet-to-be-introduced iPhone 1000s…), and that all the cool kids, along with sporting strange bit-buzz cuts jauntily juxtaposed against their otherwise long and lustrous locks; like everything to be technology-ey, and plug-in-able, and touch screen enabled, and 3G wifi (and all the rest) accessible. I get it. I had a wireless when I was your age too (okay, walkman, followed swiftly by a CD player). And by all means –  you have my permission – make your music as minute as possible, and as carry-about-able as earthly attainable. There’s no need to carry a load when it’s a lyrical one. But books, my dears, are a whole ‘nother (library) matter…

You see, I’m of the firm persuasion that you should be able to see books – i.e. that they are actual, visible 3D objects, in and of themselves. Not just some silly file on some mad piece of machine gadgetry. You should be able to thumb through them, to make notes on them, to spy strange and sometimes ambiguous coffee, tea, and general caffeine cup stains within their pages. You should be able to feel their cool weight in your hand (have you ever met a warm book?!). You should be able to smell them, that lovely, cannot-be-replicated book-ish smell that you get from books and only books. (I mean, you don’t see electro-readers sniffing all up in their electro-books now, do you?)

You should be able to fold them, and make creases, and mark important pages, and passages. You should be able to slip a bookmark in between the pretty pages.  You should be able to take note of how battered (or not) the book’s spine is, and fold pages over accordingly, in relation to how much TLC your oh-so-brilliant book requires. You should be able to ponder through page after page, finding where you read last, seeing all manner of lovely printed words along the way.

In short, there ain’t no bibliophile ever who curled up with an electronic book reader like they would a book.

Okay, well maybe there is (I like to think that these ‘renegades’ are 50 Shades of Grey readers) but they’re so cold, and so electronically sterile, that’s there’s no way a true bibliophile would.

Probably the only time I could actually condone use of an electro-reader is if you’re actually reading 50 Shades of Grey. But, seriously, it’s almost a mark of kudos-come-honour (in some circles) at this stage — you’re one of the cool ‘in’ kids, so why not own it, and flaunt your pseudo-bondage (mightn’t be an exact description, but I’m hell as not actually reading what originated as Twilight fan fiction, allegedly) porn-lite with style. In the form of paper and ink.

And for fuck sake, don’t come near me with either the electro-reader or the tomes, in book form or otherwise.

*Not really count. You may have noticed, this piece does not contain any numbers. But, they are listed. And I trust that The Daily Shift readers are super-smart, so can count all the many ways featured if they so wish.

I’m over on Twitter, hating all things newfangled-ey. However, I have managed to make that there ‘Twitter’ word back there clickable. So, click, and join me in the hatred of all things non-book-y, over yonder on ye olde Twitters.

This was originally published on August 8, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on TheDailyShift.com, please click here.

Image: WeHeartIt.com

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[Archive]: London 2012 Olympic Games: All the Facts you Need to Know

The Olympic Park as viewed from the sky, showing the giant crayon art installations on the river next to the Aquatics Centre

We’re just under halfway through the London 2012 Olympic Games, can you believe it? So, here’s your pocket guide for all things Olympic, from all of us at The Daily Shift.

A Little Bit of History

The Olympic Torch Relay, on the River Thames, under the giant Olympic Rings

 

•    According to historical records, the first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC
•    These took place in Olympia, an area in West Greece
•    They were abolished, after almost twelve centuries of play, by Emperor Theodosius, in 393 AD
•    The International Olympic Committee, founded in 1894, organises the modern Winter and Summer Olympics
•    1896 was the first year that the modern Olympics took place, in Athens, Greece
•    The London 2012 Summer Olympic Games are the 30th Summer Olympic Games to be held
•    London has hosted the Olympics twice before – in 1908, and 1948 respectively

Fanning the Flame

Olympic Gold Medalist, Torchbearer Matthew Pinsent, lights the cauldron with the Olympic Flame

•    8000 Olympic torchbearers carried the Olympic Flame
•    During this time, the Olympic Flame visited all 33 Boroughs in London
•    It travelled 8000 miles, to over 1000 different areas in the United Kingdom
•    On average, 110 torchbearers carried the Olympic Flame each day, with it travelling an average of 110 miles per day
•    On its United Kingdom journey, it will have come within ten miles of contact of 95% of the UK population
•    The Olympic Torch relay took place over 70 days

London 2012

The Olympic Torch, with the Olympic Rings in the background

•    Even though the London 2012 Olympic Games Opening Ceremony took place last Friday – 27 July 2012, the games actually began two days earlier
•    Women’s football was the inaugural sport to be played at this year’s games, beginning the competition on Wednesday 25 July
•    The men’s football followed, beginning on Thursday 26 July
•    10,490 Olympians will be taking part in the Games
•    The London 2012 Olympics will feature 26 sports, divided up into 39 disciplines
•    302 medal events will be taking place over the course of the games
•    These will take place in 34 different venues
•    There are 8.8 million tickets in total available for the London 2012 Olympic Games
•    There are 19 competition days in full – starting from Wednesday 25 July, the games come to a finale on Sunday 12 August 2012
•    Every London ticket comes with a travel card valid for tube zones 1 – 9, on the day the Olympic ticket is valid for
•    Over 200 Olympic sessions have a ‘Pay Your Age’ policy in place-those aged sixteen or under at the outset of the Games pay their age amount for tickets-i.e. a 14-year-old will pay £14, a 16-year-old paying £16
•    The Pay Your Age scheme ensures discounts for senior citizens also, with ticket prices capped at £16 for senior citizens

Let The Games Begin

The London 2012 Olympic medals

•    1 million pieces of sports equipment have been stockpiled for London 2012, including:
•    6000 archery target faces
•    2,700 footballs
•    2,200 dozen tennis balls
•    600 basketballs
•    541 life jackets
•    510 adjustable hurdles, for use in athletics
•    356 pairs of boxing gloves
•    120 head protectors, for use in taekwondo
•    99 training dolls for judo and wrestling
•    53 sets of pool lane ropes
•    22 tape measures for boccia
•    12 pairs of handball goalposts

The Olympic Stadium

The Olympic Stadium, floodlit at night

•    Will be used for the Opening and Closing Ceremonies
•    Took three years to build
•    Is made of 10,000 tonnes of steel
•    Is 53 metres high
•    Has paid host to 241,000 visitors since 2007

The Aquatics Centre

The swanky Aquatics Centre

•    Will use 10 million litres of water
•    Has 180,000 tiles laid through three pools — two 50 metre swimming pools, one 25 metre diving pool
•    Four skeletons were excavated from the prehistoric settlement found on the site

Living It Up

The entrance to the athletes’ Globe recreation area

•    There have been 2,818 apartments built in the Olympic Village, compromising of a grand total of 250,000 square metres of living space
•    These apartments house: 16,000 beds
•    28,000 branded duvets
•    22,000 pillows
•    1,200 blankets

An apartment at the Olympic Village

•    9,000 wardrobes
•    11,000 sofas
•    That works out, per apartment, as: 5.6 beds, 9.9 duvets, 7.8 pillows, 0.4(!) of a blanket, 3.1 wardrobes and 3.9 sofas
•    So, while the athletes have loads of sofa space to lounge it up, they might find themselves fighting over the blankets!
•    Although, seeing as there are 150,000 condoms available to the Olympians, giving each participant 14, they might be pretty hot under the collar already. Looks like somebody will be getting The Daily Shift anyway!

Food For Thought

The main dining hall in the Athletes’ Village

•    14 million meals will be served at the Olympic Games, 45,000 of these at the Olympic Village
•    Food and catering for London 2012 will comprise of:
•    330 tonnes of fruit and vegetables
•    232 tonnes of potatoes
•    100 tonnes of meat
•    82 tonnes of seafood
•    31 tonnes of poultry
•    21 tonnes of cheese
•    19 tonnes of eggs
•    75,000 litres of milk
•    25,000 loaves of bread
•    All tea, coffee, sugar and bananas are to be of the Fairtrade variety
•    9.8% of food at the Olympic Park will be served by
McDonald’s (healthy choices ahoy! But, you do get a free, limited edition London 2012 Coca-Cola glass and wristband with every large meal or premium salad, so…)

Working It Out

Work being done on the Velodrome site, before completion

•    The games will be employing about 200,000 people–approximately 35% of these are volunteers, with contractors making up about 50% of the number
•    70,000 Games Markers will volunteer for a grand total of 8 million hours
•    Uniforms for Games Markers, staff officials, and contractors will be comprised of:
•    765.92 miles of fabric
•    359.37 miles of thread
•    1,069,034 single zips
•    730,610 individual buttons
•    2,000 newts have been relocated from the Olympic Park to the Waterworks nature reserve
•    There are 2,012 official London 2012 pin designs
•    44 companies have signed up as sponsors in the United Kingdom
•    £1 billion worth of merchandise is aimed to be sold before the end of 2012

For Future Reference

The Olympic Rings, Coventry

•    The 2014 Winter Olympic Games are due to be held in Sochi, Russia
•    The next Summer Olympic Games, in 2016 will take place in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

So, let the games  begin, eh, carry on!

Feel free to follow me on Twitter @aprilbarry101

This was originally published on August 6, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on TheDailyShift.com, please click here.

Lead image: Wikimedia Commons

Additional images: London 2012/Getty

 

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[Archive]: Fancy a Sneak Peek at Lady Gaga’s Upcoming Vogue Cover?

Breaking news out of the world of fashion: The yet-to-be-released cover of American Vogue’s March issue has been leaked. As traditionally March is the second biggest issue after the iconic September issue, this leak is news indeed.

The glossy cover features none other than Lady Gaga, whose rise to the uber heights of fame has been nothing short of stratospheric lately. On the cover of the magazine the chanteuse sports a short, bubblegum-pink bob along with ebony lips, and dons an almost-cut-to-the-navel, Grecian style dress by new-kid-on-the-fashion-block Haider Ackerman. The image was shot by famed photographer Mario Testino, and according to gagadaily.com, the shoot took place in November at the Museum of Fine Arts which is located in Antwerp, Belgium.

No word yet as to what Gaga wears within the covers of the iconic fashion bible.

This was originally published on February 4, 2011, and could be seen, in edited form (when the site was still up), here.

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[Archive]: The White Stripes to Strum No More

Sad news coming out of the music world today, folks — Michigan born rock duo The White Stripes, consisting of once-married pair Jack and Meg White have, after, a long hiatus, split up. Officially confirming the news today, in a statement via their website, the pair have said:

“The White Stripes would like to announce that today, February 2nd, 2011, their band has officially ended and will make no further new recordings or perform live.”

They go on to emphasise that, “The reason is not due to artistic differences or lack of wanting to continue, nor any health issues as both Meg and Jack are feeling fine and in good health,” quelling fans’ possible fears that Meg’s well documented acute anxiety problems, which caused a halt to the band’s last tour in 2007, eventually leading to its cancellation, were in any way to blame for the unexpected split. Or inamicability, for that matter.

The pair cite, “…A myriad of reasons,” saying that is, “…mostly to preserve What [sic] is beautiful and special about the band and have it stay that way.” As well as this, they thank their fans for their un-relenting support during their both “intense and incredible career,” while also giving a future ray of hope to their legions of fans, by promising that their unreleased tracks will not become dust covered and forgotten, but will be released at some point in the future.

They end the statement by saying that they:

“…hope this decision isn’t met with sorrow by their fans but that it is seen as a positive move done out of respect for the art and music that the band has created. It is also done with the utmost respect to those fans who’ve shared in those creations, with their feelings considered greatly.”

And, by giving over ownership of all that is The White Stripes to said fans with these upbeat parting words:

“The White Stripes do not belong to Meg and Jack anymore. The White Stripes belong to you now and you can do with it whatever you want. The beauty of art and music is that it can last forever if people want it to. Thank you for sharing this experience. Your involvement will never be lost on us and we are truly grateful.

The White Stripes, who came to being in 1997, rocked our world for 14 glorious years. They leave as their legacy six studio albums — The White Stripes (1999), De Stijl (2000), White Blood Cells (2001), Elephant (2003), Get Behind Me Satan (2005) and Icky Thump; one live album; one E.P.; 26 singles and fifteen music videos. Oh, Jack and Meg, ye of the unrelenting black, white and red colour palette; banging thump-thump of the drums that was impossible not to rock out to; and most striking visual imagery; ye will be sadly, sadly missed.

This was originally published on February 2, 2011, and could be seen, in edited form (when the site was still up), here.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

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President Obama’s Election Speech — In Full

Tonight, more than 200 years after a former colony won the right to determine its own destiny, the task of perfecting our union moves forward.

It moves forward because of you. It moves forward because you reaffirmed the spirit that has triumphed over war and depression, the spirit that has lifted this country from the depths of despair to the great heights of hope, the belief that while each of us will pursue our own individual dreams, we are an American family, and we rise or fall together as one nation and as one people.

Tonight, in this election, you, the American people, reminded us that while our road has been hard, while our journey has been long, we have picked ourselves up, we have fought our way back, and we know in our hearts that for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.

I want to thank every American who participated in this election. Whether you voted for the very first time — or waited in line for a very long time — by the way, we have to fix that. Whether you pounded the pavement or picked up the phone — whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard and you made a difference.

I just spoke with Governor Romney and I congratulated him and Paul Ryan on a hard-fought campaign. We may have battled fiercely, but it’s only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future. From George to Lenore to their son Mitt, the Romney family has chosen to give back to America through public service. And that is a legacy that we honor and applaud tonight. In the weeks ahead, I also look forward to sitting down with Governor Romney to talk about where we can work together to move this country forward.

I want to thank my friend and partner of the last four years, America’s happy warrior, the best vice president anybody could ever hope for, Joe Biden.

And I wouldn’t be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago. Let me say this publicly. Michelle, I have never loved you more. I have never been prouder to watch the rest of America fall in love with you too as our nation’s first lady.

Sasha and Malia — before our very eyes, you’re growing up to become two strong, smart, beautiful young women, just like your Mom. And I am so proud of you guys. But I will say that for now, one dog’s probably enough.

To the best campaign team and volunteers in the history of politics — the best — the best ever — some of you were new this time around, and some of you have been at my side since the very beginning.

But all of you are family. No matter what you do or where you go from here, you will carry the memory of the history we made together. And you will have the lifelong appreciation of a grateful president. Thank you for believing all the way — to every hill, to every valley. You lifted me up the whole day, and I will always be grateful for everything that you’ve done and all the incredible work that you’ve put in.

I know that political campaigns can sometimes seem small, even silly. And that provides plenty of fodder for the cynics who tell us that politics is nothing more than a contest of egos or the domain of special interests. But if you ever get the chance to talk to folks who turned out at our rallies and crowded along a rope line in a high school gym or — or saw folks working late at a campaign office in some tiny county far away from home, you’ll discover something else.

You’ll hear the determination in the voice of a young field organizer who’s working his way through college and wants to make sure every child has that same opportunity. You’ll hear the pride in the voice of a volunteer who’s going door to door because her brother was finally hired when the local auto plant added another shift.

You’ll hear the deep patriotism in the voice of a military spouse who’s working the phones late at night to make sure that no one who fights for this country ever has to fight for a job or a roof over their head when they come home.

That’s why we do this. That’s what politics can be. That’s why elections matter. It’s not small, it’s big. It’s important. Democracy in a nation of 300 million can be noisy and messy and complicated. We have our own opinions. Each of us has deeply held beliefs. And when we go through tough times, when we make big decisions as a country, it necessarily stirs passions, stirs up controversy. That won’t change after tonight. And it shouldn’t. These arguments we have are a mark of our liberty, and we can never forget that as we speak, people in distant nations are risking their lives right now just for a chance to argue about the issues that matter — the chance to cast their ballots like we did today.

But despite all our differences, most of us share certain hopes for America’s future.

We want our kids to grow up in a country where they have access to the best schools and the best teachers — a country that lives up to its legacy as the global leader in technology and discovery and innovation — with all of the good jobs and new businesses that follow.

We want our children to live in an America that isn’t burdened by debt, that isn’t weakened up by inequality, that isn’t threatened by the destructive power of a warming planet.

We want to pass on a country that’s safe and respected and admired around the world, a nation that is defended by the strongest military on earth and the best troops this — this world has ever known — but also a country that moves with confidence beyond this time of war to shape a peace that is built on the promise of freedom and dignity for every human being.

We believe in a generous America, in a compassionate America, in a tolerant America open to the dreams of an immigrant’s daughter who studies in our schools and pledges to our flag — to the young boy on the south side of Chicago who sees a life beyond the nearest street corner — to the furniture worker’s child in North Carolina who wants to become a doctor or a scientist, an engineer or an entrepreneur, a diplomat or even a president.

That’s the — that’s the future we hope for.

That’s the vision we share. That’s where we need to go — forward. That’s where we need to go.

Now, we will disagree, sometimes fiercely, about how to get there. As it has for more than two centuries, progress will come in fits and starts. It’s not always a straight line. It’s not always a smooth path. By itself, the recognition that we have common hopes and dreams won’t end all the gridlock, resolve all our problems or substitute for the painstaking work of building consensus and making the difficult compromises needed to move this country forward.

But that common bond is where we must begin. Our economy is recovering. A decade of war is ending. A long campaign is now over. And whether I earned your vote or not, I have listened to you. I have learned from you. And you’ve made me a better president. And with your stories and your struggles, I return to the White House more determined and more inspired than ever about the work there is to do and the future that lies ahead.

Tonight you voted for action, not politics as usual. You elected us to focus on your jobs, not ours.

And in the coming weeks and months, I am looking forward to reaching out and working with leaders of both parties to meet the challenges we can only solve together — reducing our deficit, reforming out tax code, fixing our immigration system, freeing ourselves from foreign oil. We’ve got more work to do.

But that doesn’t mean your work is done. The role of citizens in our democracy does not end with your vote. America’s never been about what can be done for us; it’s about what can be done by us together, through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self- government. That’s the principle we were founded on.

This country has more wealth than any nation, but that’s not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military in history, but that’s not what makes us strong. Our university, our culture are all the envy of the world, but that’s not what keeps the world coming to our shores. What makes America exceptional are the bonds that hold together the most diverse nation on Earth, the belief that our destiny is shared — that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another and to future generations, so that the freedom which so many Americans have fought for and died for come with responsibilities as well as rights, and among those are love and charity and duty and patriotism. That’s what makes America great.

I am hopeful tonight because I have seen this spirit at work in America. I’ve seen it in the family business whose owners would rather cut their own pay than lay off their neighbors and in the workers who would rather cut back their hours than see a friend lose a job. I’ve seen it in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb and in those SEALs who charged up the stairs into darkness and danger because they knew there was a buddy behind them watching their back. I’ve seen it on the shores of New Jersey and New York, where leaders from every party and level of government have swept aside their differences to help a community rebuild from the wreckage of a terrible storm.

And I saw it just the other day in Mentor, Ohio, where a father told the story of his 8-year-old daughter whose long battle with leukemia nearly cost their family everything had it not been for health care reform passing just a few months before the insurance company was about to stop paying for her care. I had an opportunity to not just talk to the father but meet this incredible daughter of his. And when he spoke to the crowd, listening to that father’s story, every parent in that room had tears in their eyes because we knew that little girl could be our own.

And I know that every American wants her future to be just as bright. That’s who we are. That’s the country I’m so proud to lead as your president.

And tonight, despite all the hardship we’ve been through, despite all the frustrations of Washington, I’ve never been more hopeful about our future. I have never been more hopeful about America. And I ask you to sustain that hope.

I’m not talking about blind optimism, the kind of hope that just ignores the enormity of the tasks ahead or the road blocks that stand in our path. I’m not talking about the wishful idealism that allows us to just sit on the sidelines or shirk from a fight. I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting.

America, I believe we can build on the progress we’ve made and continue to fight for new jobs and new opportunities and new security for the middle class. I believe we can keep the promise of our founding, the idea that if you’re willing to work hard, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from or what you look like or where you love. It doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American or young or old or rich or poor, abled, disabled, gay or straight. You can make it here in America if you’re willing to try.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

I believe we can seize this future together because we are not as divided as our politics suggests. We’re not as cynical as the pundits believe. We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and forever will be, the United States of America.

And together, with your help and God’s grace, we will continue our journey forward and remind the world just why it is that we live in the greatest nation on earth. Thank you, America. God bless you. God bless these United States.

Image: Barack Obama/Facebook/Twitter/Scout Tufankjian

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[Archive]: Billie Joe Armstrong to Join The Voice

Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong is set to join the US version of reality music competition The Voice. The American Idiot vocalist has joined the ranks of the show as a mentor on judge Christina Aguilera’s team. Aguilera is one of a four-strong panel of judges, consisting of Christina, singer-songwriter Cee Lo Green, country music star Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine of Maroon 5 fame.

Armstrong, who has said that he and his family are fans of the programme; has spoken out on the show’s format, giving us an insight into why he chose to do the gig; saying that it doesn’t mould artists, but rather gives them,

“…a little bit of guidance and direction without giving them a complete makeover”

He has also asserted that working alongside Aguilera is,

“a lot of fun.”

Billie Joe began taping the show on 25 June (Wednesday). He will feature in season three of the music contest, which started taping in June, and which will air in the US starting September 10.

The first instalment of Green Day’s upcoming trio of albums, ¡Uno!, is due to be released on September 24 in the UK; the second, ¡Dos!, has a release date of November 12 in the United Kingdom; and the third, ¡Tre!, will be available to purchase on January 14 2013 in the UK.

An interview segment with Billie Joe Armstrong and Christina Aguilera can be seen here.

This was originally published on July 28, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

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[Archive]: Friday the 13th – Why So Freaky?

Image

Are you freaked out by Friday the 13th? Is it bound to bring you an unbridled bout of bad luck? Or, are you just a tad perturbed, thinking all this superstitious stuff is nowt bar nonsense? Well, whatever camp your legions lie in, let’s tackle this freaky Friday business, once and for all.

First of all: Why all the hate for the much maligned Friday the 13th?

Well, there are a lot of conflicting theories on this, but the most prevailing ones, at least in our Western Christian culture are biblically based:

•    According to the Bible, Jesus Christ was one of 13 guests at The Last Supper, was betrayed by guest number 13, and also died on Good Friday.

•    It is also claimed that the 13th was the day that Eve was tempted to take a bite from the apple growing from the Tree of Knowledge.

•    Some numerology buffs believe the number 13 to be unpleasing, as it follows the far-more-pleasing, rounded 12, which is seen as a number of ‘completeness’ ––  Jesus had 12 apostles, legends tells us that there were 12 gods of Olympus, there are 12 hours on the clock, 12 months in a year, even 12 signs of the zodiac (well, unless you count that silly new, 13th addition to the set, called Ophiuchus, and I don’t. As far as I’m concerned, if Mystic Meg ain’t having it in her horoscope, then neither am I. If you believe in Ophiuchus, you are clearly a heathen, and no more shall be said of it). The number 13 is the irregular, uneven follower of class-prefect-perfect 12, kind of the rebellious straggler, and nobody likes a straggler.

•    There’s also a Norse myth which lends itself to giving Friday the 13th a bad rap also  –-  the story goes that there were 12 Norse gods dinner-partying it up big style in Valhalla, the Norse heaven. Obviously not one to miss a gathering, a god going by the name of Loki gate-crashed the bash, and, as all gate-crashers are wont to do, arranged for a fellow god to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the god of joy and goodness. As you can guess, this story didn’t end well, or even moderately well, with random gods passed out on couches of indeterminate comfiness, with random penii drawings decorating their visages. Nope, our man Balder done and died, presumably going to the great Valhalla 2.0 in the sky, whereupon the whole of earth was said to become dark and fittingly, was said to mourn him.

Meanwhile, Balder either:

a)    Never partook of any of the heavenly parties that were going on in the afterlife due to a severe case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sausage rolls, the definitive party food of all true sophisticates, were bound to bring him out in a shaky, nervous sweat; and seeing as he was said to have been shot with a mistletoe-tipped arrow, Chrimbo parties and smooching under the mistletoe were totally out of the question.

b)    Or, he decided to party it up like a boss, sticking two fingers to the shifty Loki whenever he caught a glance of the sneaky scoundrel whilst peeking through the heavenly, super-soft clouds down to Valhalla 1.0.

Secondly: Does the superstition hold up – is Friday the 13th actually unlucky?

•    Well, from a psychological perspective it can be perceived as so, due to us silly humans being swayed by a tendency to notice and look for information which supports our theories, however whack they may be. This is called confirmation bias. So, for example, if you believe that Friday the 13th is the harbinger of bad luck, you’re more likely to sit up and take notice when you spill your steaming-ly hot frappa-cappa-mocha-locha-double-venti-don’t-hold-the-whip-extra-ice-syrup-and sprinkles-on-top hipster-obnoxious coffee from Super ‘Spensive Caffeine Inc.,all over your brand new, of-the-moment, super-chic peplum-pantaloon-skinny jeans. On other days you wouldn’t take quite so much notice. Conversely, if you have something super-terrific happen to you on the 13th, you’re less likely to associate, say, finding a giant gummy bear on sale at a super-cheap bargain-bucket price in, like, your local New Look branch (seriously, stranger things have happened. We’ll get onto those in a minute, my superstitious sidekicks) with that damn, dratted day of the 13th.

•    For businesses this confirmation bias, eh, business can seemingly prove unlucky for them. Some estimates suggest that up to $900 million dolla-dolla bills go un-spent due to people’s intricate fear of the freaky 13th. Of course, this is only an estimate, and some people dispute it. Those people probably also dispute giant gummy bears too, so take no heed. Seriously though, there’s deffo a distinct proportion of people who place themselves firmly under-duvet for the day, so that certainly doesn’t do much for the business of greasy tills and the like. Which leads us on nicely to the next point…

Thirdly: Do you know what friggatriskaidekaphobia means? Or have the means to cure it?

How about paraskevidekatriaphobia? Could you hazard a guess, based on what this article is all about? Far too friggin’ lazy? Okay, let me put you out of your misery. Friggatriskaidekaphobia is a phobia of the most feared of Fridays, Friday the 13th. Paraskevidekatriaphobia is basically a synonym of same. Oh, and according to the great internets (per Dr. Donald Dossey at the Stress Management Center/Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina) once you’re able to pronounce the latter, somehow you’re magically cured. Eh, God speed?!

Fourthly: Freaky Friday facts, some of which kiiind of lend a heavy helping hand to this whole fear of the number 13, and, of course, Friday the 13th

•    The majority of property purchases refuse to complete their sale on Friday the 13th, according to Richard Aldous, sales and marketing manager of Hopkins Homes.
•    On September 13th, 1996 rapper Tupac Shakur (2Pac) died.
•    Streets in the city of Florence, Italy, don’t even have houses numbered 13 —  instead those homes are addressed as 12 and a half (How very Harry Potter of them!).
•    Lots of public buildings skip (naming) the 13th floor by its creepy, rightful, numerical name altogether.
•    The number 13 is excluded entirely from the Italian national lottery.
•    Those Italians aren’t our only continental neighbours to have Triskaidekaphobia (a fear of the number 13) embedded in their culture. Nope, their French counterparts are afflicted with the same phobia –- in France there’s the phenomenon of the quatorziens (fourteeners), which are add-on party guests to guarantee that your party doesn’t host the dreaded total number 13 of guests. (Balder could have totally availed of this service)
•    Friday the 13th falls 3 times in 2012, but don’t worry, 2 of them are already behind you (like the boogeyman — don’t look now!).
•    Each of this years dreaded Friday the 13th have occurred exactly 13 weeks apart, how’s that for ooky-spooky, all you Friggatriskaidekaphobics?!

Tell me, are you still freaked out by Friday the 13th? Or firmly in the perturbed camp? Did you know where all the trepidation surrounding this most dreaded of days stemmed from? Do you believe in confirmation bias? Did my set of Friday the 13th and freaky number 13-related facts shock and surprise you (bonus points for both, obvs.)? Are you a confirmed friggatriskaidekaphobic, paraskevidekatriaphobic, or simply a confirmed bachelor (in which case –- call me!); or, do you brave out the freakiest Friday of all, albeit with galoshes, wellies, and kung-fu moves (basically a normal day’s shielding oneself from the raininess in Ireland, then)? Confess all in the comments, it’ll make your black soul lighter. Or tweet me your freaky Friday facts @aprilbarry101

This was originally published on July 13, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Image: Pinterest 

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[Archive]: Steven Tyler Leaving American Idol

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has left the (American Idol) building –- quitting the judging panel of American Idol. The singer, who has served as a judge on the Fox network show for the past two seasons –- seasons 10 and 11, has today (Thursday) confirmed his departure from the panel in a statement via Fox,

“After some long…hard…thoughts…I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress ‘American Idol’ before she boils my rabbit”

and going on to say that he had,

“…Strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back – but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band. The next few years are going to be dedicated to kicking some serious ass – the ultimate in auditory takeover…”

He further added that,

“…Idol was over-the-top fun, and I loved every minute of it…”

American Idol creator and executive producer Simon Fuller also added his two cents to the statement by saying that Steven was a,

“…Real ‘Idol’, a rock legend.”

He also emphasised how,

“very proud [they were that they had the] pleasure of him gracing our stage for two seasons… ”

and that,

“American Idol will miss him!”

Tyler was a member of the American Idol judging panel during 2011 and 2012, alongside fellow singer Jennifer Lopez and record producer Randy Jackson. Lopez became a judge in 2011 alongside Tyler; following the departure of former judges Simon Cowell, Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres; and Jackson has been part of the panel since the programme’s inception in 2002. However, he may not be the only judge to shake up the current panel, as Jennifer Lopez said the following on Thursday’s Today show,

“…I am thinking that maybe it’s time for me to go and do other things…”

Aerosmith fans fear not though, if you don’t want to miss a thing, Tyler won’t be away for long, saying on Thursday that,

“On November 6, we are unleashing our new album, Music from Another Dimension [and that it’s] …time to bring Rock Back.” [sic]

What do you think of the latest American Idol shakeup? Will you miss Stevie like mad, or are you a bit meh about the whole thing? Who should replace him? Hit me up in the comments, or tweet me kindly @aprilbarry101

 This was originally published on July 13, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

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[Archive]: Johnny Depp to Play Edward Scissorhands again… But Not in the Way you Would Expect!

Are you jonesing for a Johnny Depp fix, yet struggling to balance your craving for funny, adult-appropriate cartoon shows with the grá for an altogether broody Mr. Depp? Well, have I got just the treat for you!

For Johnny is set to reprise his first real gothic role, Edward Scissorhands, (FYI: This was his debut collaboration with Tim Burton, in 1990 — can you even imagine a time when Depp and Burton were not practically synonymous with each other?!) yet not with the quirky director-come-writer-come-producer-come-artist, nor on the silver screen.

Nope, our Johnny is set to play the gentle man, juxtaposed with his set of sharp, scary, steel-y scissor hands, on the small screen, in cartoon form. On US cartoon Family Guy.

The actor is set to appear in an upcoming episode of the show, with the cameo having already been recorded. Depp is set to feature as Edward in one of the cartoon’s cutaway gags. The thespian, who initially showed a tad of trepidation insofar as getting into character mode, — per Family Guy executive producer Mark Hentemann, he,

“…felt like he hadn’t done that voice since he did it in front of the camera”

(in fairness to Johnny, it was 22 years ago!), but that after a minute,

“He was able to snap right back into Edward Scissorhands once we pulled up a clip from the movie.”

And the answer to the question that you’ve all been wondering about ever since hearing thatJohnny is set to hit a small screen near you –- does he watch Family Guy? Yep, according to Entertainment Weekly Mr. D is fan of the show, and watches episodes with his children.

I, for one, cannot wait for my next Depp installment, totes jonesing!

Will you be tuning in to see hear Johnny on Family Guy? Are you a fan of grown up cartoons? Do you love Johnny more than, say chips? Tell me all @aprilbarry101

This was originally published on July 12, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

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[Archive]: Modern Family Actress Sofia Vergara Engaged

Bad news, boys –- Modern Family actress Sofia Vergara is seemingly off the market. The Columbian-born star of the small screen has reportedly become engaged to on-off beau, businessman Nick Loeb.

Sofia, who is currently holidaying in the Rosewood Mayakoba resort, Riviera Maya, Mexico; with a bevy of 90 pals, including fellow Modern Family actresses Julie Bowen (Claire Dunphy) and Sarah Hyland (Haley Dunphy), and of course other half Nick Loeb; is there to celebrate quite a milestone –- her 40th birthday (and is seriously looking amazing, majorly thinking of investing in some Covergirl now to emulate her gorgeous glow — if only I could get my pale, distinctly non-glow-y, grubby mitts on it in Ireland!).

However, rumours abound that the Latino lovely was perhaps celebrating in the double when ex-colleague and friend, Fernando Fiore –- they’re both former hosts of show Fuera de serie -– tweeted a picture of himself alongside Ms. Vergara, who was sporting an altogether conspicuous, shiny sparkler on her ring finger. According to reports, boyfriend Loeb popped that all-important question at Chichen Itza, an area of ancient Mayan ruins.

Vergara, who currently plays sassy trophy wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett to Ed O’Neill’s Jay Pritchett, on the hit US comedy Modern Family; met her rumoured now-fiance at a Golden Globes shindig in 2010. They are said to have a fiery relationship, with one source (possibly exaggerating ever-so-slightly) claiming that the twosome have broken up and reconciled “over a million times”.

The pair split, seemingly for good, briefly this May; however were spotted back together, hand in hand as early as June. Sofia has been a wedded woman once before, becoming a young wife to teenage love, Joe Gonzalez, in 1990. Their marriage was not to last though, hitting the skids in 1993. They are parents to son Manolo, who was born in 1992.

Are you happy for Sofia? Sad that you won’t get a chance with the sultry star? Tweet me all about it @aprilbarry101

This was originally published on July 11, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Lead image: Sofia Vergara/Twitter

Second image: Fernando Fiore/Twitter

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