April Barry

Miley Cyrus is engaged, y’all!

Yes indeed, the perpetually tween-seeming starlet (in actuality she’s due to celebrate her 20^th birthday in November) is set to get spliced to fellow Hollywood star and longtime boyfriend Liam Hemsworth (former Neighbours actor, currently appearing in The Hunger Games; and brother to one Kit from Home and Away Chris Hemsworth, better known these days ­­for his turn in Thor and The Avengers). The twosome have reportedly been stepping out on and off for three years , ever since meeting on the set of The Last Song in 2009.

They officially announced their intention to wed last Wednesday, June 6, with Ms. Cyrus waxing lyrical of her love, Liam,

“I’m so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam”

and later tweeting,

“I’m happy to share this news with you all. I feel like all my dreams are coming true.”

The Australian-born actor, 22, popped the question to the Nashville, Tennessee native almost a week earlier, on May 31, with a 3.5 carat diamond ring from jeweller Neil Lane.

So, thoughts. Yup, I got ‘em.  Specifically on the whole Miley-Cyrus-becoming-Mrs-Hemsworth thing. Who knew titles of articles could yield such clues to their content, eh?

Okay, just to preface –- I’m not going to hate on anyone for getting engaged. Unless it’s Vanessa Paradis, you dig, natch?! My view is, if you’re not hurting anyone, and something makes you happy, then go ahead and do it.

But, here’s my bugaboo –- Miley’s a mere 19 years old. Not actually eons younger, to my surprise, but, born in 1992, she’s all of 19 years. Ninteen! That, in my opinion, is waaay too young to be making plans to become a Mrs/donning a diamond which pre-empts marriage/familiarising yourself with wedding favours (unless you’re a wedding guest, in which case – hello! – free swag alert!). I know some people meet The One early on, and sometimes you just know, but at 19, the likelihood is that he-who-you’re-convinced-is-The-One is actually the-one-who-you’ll-make-quips-about-with-your-friends-on drunken-nights-out while painting the town years later, or laugh about how besotted and totally in lurve you thought you were when you actually do come across The all-important actual One.

Seriously, at 19 your frontal lobe, which is an area of your brain which deals with processes such as reasoning, planning, and judgment (fairly important, then, when it comes to choosing your forever-mate) is not even fully developed, and FYI, won’t be until between the ages of 25 and 30. Yep.

Putting aside the fact that Miss Miley started her professional career as an actress in Disney Channel vehicle Hannah Montana at the young age of 11, let me put this in real world terms. At the age of 19, saying, simply for the sake of argument, that you completed the much-dreaded torture fest that is the Leaving Cert at the age of 18, you’ve been out of secondary school for one year. You’ve either :

a)      Taken a year out to travel, to work, perhaps to investigate the whys and wherefores of crop circles (hey, we don’t judge here at Studenty), possibly painted murals in some far-flung place, perhaps Belize; maybe even volunteered to do something, somewhere (to be specific).

b)      Been a college bum for a year, be it in CIT, UCC, or even the sun-drenched campus of UCLA. (They are your only options, obvs. This isn’t  Studenty Galway!) If you’re a UCC Arts student who is studying English you have yet to even encounter an English seminar.

c)       You’ve been a worker bee for a year. You intrinsically know how everyone in the office takes their coffee and tea, down even to the precise shade of mahogany their caffeine-in-a-cup must resemble (must!). You’re also highly adept at handling a photocopier.

Could you imagine lasooing that little amount of real life experience with an engagement ring, no matter how sparkly and shiny the stone? I certainly couldn’t.

When I was reading up on all things Miley, I just thought there was an interesting juxtaposition on the People.com website –- featuring amongst the list of the top five most read articles were, at number number, Miley’s engagement, and, at number two, Drew Barrymore’s wedding. Now Drew, much as I love her particular unique brand of crazy-quirky-cool, could teach Miss Miley a few life lessons.

See, Drew hasn’t just become a blushing bride (if you’re asking — groom: Will Kopelman, occupation: art dealer; also, the bride appears to be sporting a baby bump, but has not officially confirmed this) for the very first time at the age of 37, oh no. See, our Drew was also engaged, and consequently betrothed at the tail end of her teen years too, at 19, to be precise, the self-same age as Miley is (engaged, not wed yet). She walked down the aisle with hubs number one, bar owner Jeremy Thomas, on March 20 1994, after dating for a mere six weeks. They were joined in holy matrimony by a minister-come-psychic-come-private-detective, who they found via a 24-hour wedding hotline. The venue? The Room, the groom’s bar in Los Angeles. Their wedded bliss was not to last though, as Drew filed for divorce less than two months later.

Ms. Barrymore also got hitched a second time, this time to Canadian comic Tom Green, in the year 2000. Having had a slightly longer courtship pre-engagement and ringing-of-wedding-bells –- they were engaged for about a year before they wed; the union only lasted for less than half a year -– five months, to be exact. The blushing bride was 26 (both as a bride and on becoming a divorcee the second time over). See, that frontal lobe is oh-so-important! Hopefully the third time will be the charm for dear Drew, the doyenne of rom-coms.

Miley, are you listening yet?!

Okay, so Miss Cyrus and Mr. Hemsworth have, in fairness, been going out for longer than Drew went out with her previous hubbies before they became husband and wife. As I said, on and off for three years, since the songstress-come-actress was 16, her Australian other half 19. It’s not the exact same situation, but still, it does add weight to my argument that 19 is still Way Too Young to wed.

Plus, if Drew’s story isn’t enough to sway you on the issue of an engagement at 19, how about all the other Hollywood starlets insisting on doing things So Damn Fast? I’m a bit perturbed by it all, to be honest.

Take Britney Spears, for example. She’s set to become a bride for the third time too, like Drew, at the age of 30, to Jason Trawick. Her first marriage, which lasted a grand total of 55 hours, was to childhood friend Jason Alexander at the tender age of 22. They wed in a quickie Las Vegas ceremony in 2004, the union later being annulled. Her second spin on the marriage merry-go-round was to Kevin Federline, a then-backup dancer. They got together reportedly while his girlfriend, actress Shar Jackson (you might know her from Moesha), was pregnant with his second child. Brit and Kev married in October 2004, making Britney both a bride for the second time in one year, and for a second time at the age of 22. The marriage, which produced two children -– Sean Preston, 11 months post wedding, and Jayden James, ONE YEAR later (what’s that I was telling you about frontal lobes, planning?!) lasted just shy of three years.

Also, fellow former New Mickey Mouse Club cast member Christina Aguilera married young too, to record producer Jordan Bratman –- becoming a bride in 2005 at the age of 24. She also became a Mom to son Max Liron Bratman at the age of 27; and had been a wife, become a Mom, and was also (are you sensing a theme yet?) a separated lady, all by the age of 29.

Jessica Simpson is another pop star casualty of the celebrity Marrying Much Too Young club. She became engaged in 2002 at 21 to then 98 Degrees lead singer, and the pair tied the knot when Jess was but a tender 22 years old. In November 2005, Simpson and Lachey announced they were separating. By the time Jessica had turned 25, the separation had been finalised. She went on to file for divorce in December 2005. Lo and behold, Miss Simpson was a divorcee before she even blew 26 candles out on a birthday cake. She is currently engaged to Eric Johnson, and gave birth to his child, Maxwell Drew Johnson on May 1. Hopefully the second time ’round will be the trick for Jessica.

Smaller sis’, Ashlee Simpson is yet another Hollywood starlet who’s carried on the trend of doing things So Damn Fast. The singer and actress became engaged to musician Pete Wentz at 22; married and two weeks later confirmed to be pregnant by the age of 23. Simpson became a mama at 23, giving birth to son Bronx Mowgli. The Mowgli part of their son’s name was apparently inspired by The Jungle Book. Predictably enough, their union hit the rocks 2 ½ years after the wedding, with Jess’ lil’ sis filing for divorce in February 2009, at 24 years old. She’s a divorcee by 25.

Suffice to say, hotfooting it to the engagement ring jeweller de jour, and marathon-ing it up the aisle in your teens or twenties does not seem to have panned out for these Hollywood stars. Take note, Miley.

And on that note, take a year out, go travelling, maybe consider studying crop circles, do whatever (again, to be specific!). Be a normal 19 year old. Have some fun, and be a teen. Save the serious talk of marriage until you’re at least 30. Your frontal lobe will thank you kindly.

Learn from your fellow stars’ mistakes. You’ve got years for all the rest!

This was originally published on June 14, 2012, and can be seen, in edited form, here.

If you would like to see all my work on Cork.Studenty.me, please click here.

Images: Wikimedia Commons